“As children we found ways to protect ourselves from vulnerability, from being hurt, diminished, and disappointed. We put on armor; we used our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as weapons; and we learned how to make ourselves scarce, even to disappear. Now as adults we realize that to live with courage, purpose, and connection – to be the person whom we long to be – we must again be vulnerable. We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen.” Brene Brown
I’ve been hiding…..
I kind of feel a bit like Brene Brown after she did her first TED talk. She describes the “vulnerability hangover” she had the day after the talk. So there I was, feeling wildly courageous, and thinking it’s a good thing to put my life experience out there in a blog. And after I clicked “post” and sent the link to pretty much everyone I knew, I suddenly went into a panic. Oh my goodness, something I really care a lot about is out there on the internet. Everyone can see. I have exposed myself like never before. There is no pulling it back. Nothing like getting naked!
The work I’ve been doing with my coach has had a lot to do with shedding the veneer that I’ve put up over the years to protect myself, to stay safe and small, to hide and to avoid risk. Funny thing is, I didn’t even realize the protective shield was there until I started to become an observer of my life. Without skipping a beat, the voice in my head began to have a field day and said, “What will people think; people might not know how to take it; you’ve gone too far, you didn’t need to say this or that,l…blah blah blah.” We are so good at beating ourselves up! No one else needs to do it to us…we do a great job! As soon as I recognized those ugly voices, I immediately dug deep and pulled out my wise self. I swaddled my core with a blanket of love and compassion. The days and weeks that followed my first blog post were extraordinary. The response was an outpouring of love, heart connection, sharing, tears, joy and laughter. I realized that my story is actually a whole lot of other peoples’ stories too. It touched a chord.
I learned that I am inherently safe in my vulnerability. It’s ok to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable to me means letting down my guard and speaking my truth. Being inherently safe in my vulnerability means that the stories I tell myself don’t have power over me once I speak them. Being vulnerable is worthwhile. It is a release. The more we open up to ourselves and to one another, the more connected we feel.
So now that I’ve had a few months to ponder it all, all I want to say is this:
This is who I am. I am good with it. I am enough.
There, I’ve said it. No more hiding or denying. I am enough.
I’ve added courage to my list of values so that, with intention, I step into being courageous every day. As long as I am not content with sitting on the sidelines of my life…EVOLUTION is inevitable!
How’s your evolution coming? Want help excavating? I’d love to partner with you in your EVOLUTION! Let’s do it!